Nancy has lived in Corozal, Belize for the past two years and for most of that time she has been part owner of Scotty’s Bar and Grill. Her and her husband, Scott, own a house in Corozal where she resides full-time. She makes her way back to the States about twice a year and Scott visits his wife in Belize about three times a year.
The couple made the mutual decision to act on purchasing a property in Belize with the downturn in property prices and in the short-term Nancy would be in Belize with the long-term plan of Scott joining her in Belize full-time. I was curious to know how this arrangement has affected their relationship.
Q: How did you both arrive at the decision for this unique arrangement?
S: Family meeting to see if we wanted to buy and run a small business in Belize. Over the years we had traveled extensively in the Caribbean (exclusively to Jamaica) and we both were interested in finding something eventually in a warmer tropical climate. Over the years we had kept our eyes open for properties and such in the tropical areas. This opportunity came up and was priced well. After the family meeting it was decided that Nancy and our daughter would move to Belize and start the business. I would remain behind and continue to work.
Q: What was your thought process when you two were deciding on this move for you to Belize?
N: I had a lot of admiration for Scott that he was actually encouraging me to forge out on my own and try and make this work. I have come to realize that not a lot of husbands would have allowed or wanted this to happen.
Q: What made you decide to go for it?
N: Scott’s support and excitement along with my own desire to push myself and gain some real Independence…and the excitement of actually running a business in the Caribbean.
Q: How did you expect everything to go when Nancy moved to Belize?
S: I seriously expected the business to at least break even and we would have a clear picture of whether it would work or not within six months. This turned out to be overly optimistic if not downright unrealistic. I expected no problems with the relationship.
Q: What fears did you have of moving to Belize without your husband?
N: Maintenance…. (Like cars, appliances, buildings), sleeping alone, the lack of our sexual relationship, immediate financial support.
Q: How often do you two communicate? Have the methods of communications available in Belize been reliable?
S: Nancy and I communicate every day. At first we would email. Then we discovered chat through gmail and facebook. Then we discovered MySpace IM chat. Belize had a high speed internet connection at the house we bought. This turned out to be a better connection than what I had here at the states due to the remote location we lived at. I ended up getting a Blackberry device that I used as a tethered modem for my connection. Dial up was not cutting it anymore from where I lived. And, I had no other options for connectivity.
Q: Does this arrangement work for you?
S: Yes – this arrangement works. I initially had some serious loneliness issues that I had to work through but have seemed to be able to manage them as time continued. It has been 22 months now. I have been able to get to Belize about two times or three times a year. Each time for multiple weeks. Nancy has been able to visit back here once a year. We have not had to be apart for more than 3 or 4 months at a time without a visit.
N: it isn’t the ideal situation. But…we have made it work.
Q: How has the decision for you to move to Belize changed your relationship?
N: We realize that we have a very close bond…it hasn’t changed my love and devotion…but I can’t speak for Scott.
Q: What has been the hardest part of this living arrangement?
S: Physical relationship. We have always had a robust and healthy physical relationship during our marriage. Not having that has been difficult. We do not have an “open” marriage where we are free to mess around with other people. So you have to endure long stretches without your partner. I must say that not having Nancy around for just companionship is also very hard.
N: At night…alone in bed.
Q: Would you do everything the same if you had the opportunity to go back in time?
S: I probably would make the same decision. The opportunity to start a business in a foreign country has been fantastic. I would have done some things differently for the business however. But, I did not understand much of the requirements and dynamics of the country so it would be hard to do it differently I suppose. Learning as you go has been how we have operated.
Q: What is the long-term goal of this living situation for you?
N: Hopefully we can both live in Belize at least 6 months out of the year together…and the other half in Oregon…being that it is a financial fit also.
S: I see us continuing to try and make a go of the restaurant. We will know more in another 6 months. We are changing some of the operating parameters during this next six months to try and reach a point where we at least break even. The goal of us living apart is the successful operation of the business. Without that then there is no reason to live apart. If the business does not make it then we will sell it off or just keep the house as a second home and we will live together again in the states. If it does make it then I will continue to work here in the states and possibly work my job from Belize as I am able to. We will try and maximize our time together.
Q: How has your experience in Belize changed you?
N: I have experienced a huge change…while feeling that I was a fairly independent person…I realized I hadn’t touched being independent until moving to Belize. I am more confidant and way more experienced in the outside world. I found that my life before was pretty sheltered. I have also had adventures that I would never have had living in Oregon….deep sea fishing, boating in Belize, being a business owner and learning all the ins and outs.
Q: Do you have any other comments that may be relevant to others contemplating a similar situation for themselves?
S: Best advice to anyone considering a long distance relationship like this is that you are very, very solid in your commitment to each other. Living apart tests a lot of aspects of a relationship. For example, most other countries have a much more open attitude toward sexual relations. You might find yourself the target of lots of attention in a foreign country. Is your relationship strong enough to withstand that? What about a situation where one person has a seemingly exotic lifestyle and the other doesn’t? Can you handle the emotions that will bring up? What about money stressors? Can you handle two households basically? What about holidays? Can a person be away for the holidays and from family then? How old are your children? I would not do this with underage children at all.